Head Hopping

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re reading along, getting into the mind of a great female character, when she remarks she would make a good father some day.

Wait, you think. Wasn’t the character female?

You’ve been the victim of head-hopping. Or as I like to call it: cheating.

Head hopping is when the POV jumps from one character’s “head” to another in a scene, so you’re privy to everyone’s thoughts.

The reason I call this a cheat is because instead of your main character trying to glean what another character is doing through their actions, expressions and verbal cues, the reader is immediately inside the head of the other character who lays out all of their feelings and motivations.

Where’s the fun in that?

This is especially frustrating when the character is just a bit player. Someone who’s around for one scene and never appears again.

Yes, it’s important for the writer to know the motivations for all of their characters, even the minor ones, but that doesn’t mean it has to be told in detail, as if the reader isn’t savvy enough to understand through their words and actions, what their motivations are.

Let me give you an example:

“Hey, Dan, what’s up?”

Dan felt uncomfortable. He didn’t want to talk to Cara right now. “I’m good.”

Cara was put off by Dan’s behavior, but she decided to forge ahead anyway. “What are your weekend plans?”

Dan knew this was coming, and he didn’t want to tell her, but he’d always been honest with Cara in the past. “I Have a date.”

Cara nearly passed out. “Oh.”

 

Compared to:

“Hey, Dan, what’s up?”

Dan looked at the floor and shuffled his feet. “I’m good.”

“Soooo…” Cara said, as the air got ten degrees cooler, “What are your weekend plans?”

Dan looked anywhere but at her. “I have a date.”

Cara’s world shrank to a small pinhole, and she dropped into the nearest chair. “Oh.”

 

In the second example, did you need to get into Dan’s head to know what was up with him? Could you figure it out through him shuffling his feet and not looking at Cara, that he was uncomfortable?

I’m guessing the answer is no, especially if you’re an avid reader who pays attention to detail.

As a writer, you need to challenge yourself to use all of the senses to convey what your characters are going through and not make them “tell” the reader through their thoughts. It dulls the action.

Now, when I bring this up, I do get some people who will use an example of a classic novel written by a great author as proof it can be done.

And I’m sure in some instances, if the writer is super skilled at their craft, they can find a way to head hop with finesse.

However, unless you’ve refined your skills to that degree, my suggestion would be not to head hop at first, particularly if you find it “easier” to do and recognize it as a shortcut.

And if you do hone your skills and decide to take a stab at it, try doing it in “sections” at first that are clearly marked, so as not to confuse the reader.

So, that’s my two cents, both as a writer and an editor.

Go ahead and give me your thoughts on the subject in the comments below.